Friday, December 16, 2011

Rhyme 22

Just six feet away
But worlds apart
Too far to detect
A faltering heart
Time ticks on slowly
Space stretches wide
For a moment I believe
That I'm on your side
The chasm creeps closer
I begin to fall in
With no place to run to
And no hope that I'll live
I fall down beside you
To land six feet under
Somehow by your side
I'm lost in the wonder

Friday, August 12, 2011

Rhyme 21

So cryptically blue
That wide eyed stare
As it permeates through
To a waking nightmare
Reality untouched
No truth, no substance
Crude morals, all rough
And lost in the trance
Now a fissure licks through
Time and space open up
Past and future, as two
Collide in chaotic disrupt
The face melting event
As we rush in to see
Starting where we once were
Ending in what's still meant to be

Friday, May 20, 2011

Rhyme 20

Engrossed by the end
That will be the demise
Of all of the things
I once helped to rise
Fascinated by dreams
Manifest fantasy
Until eyes open to
The check of reality
Now midnight blue skies
Emit blue consciousness
Questions unanswered
And lost in the mist
When nothing is clear
And sore eyes can't see
Feels like no one is there
With a hand to guide me
Love in my bones
All that I instigate
Who knew love once was
The companion to hate
I will not pretend
I'm immersed in this cloud
But it has coated my eyes
In a thick, heavy shroud
Waking up
Starting slow
Step by step
Toward the glow
Rush to the end
When there is no need
For as time goes on
It will proceed
Fall into the truth
Come crashing down
Twirling through the air
When I crash, I'll break ground.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Rhyme 19

Secrets remain invulnerable
Vulnerable remained my secret
Promises I meant to hold
When feelings began to mold
Tall hypothetical tales I create
Repetitious lies of fate
In the unknown, finding fixation
Struck breathless by the coloration
Of light dancing in your iris
Like the fog strolling in, weightless
The winter breeze had given me chills
I ponder alone, roaming coastline to hills
To be reborn where this treasure was found
Unanticipated, gleaming, you unwound
I'm a fragile newborn lain before you
The waves ripple, distorting a true view
When it is time, do you have the key?
When all is said, will you still be there for me?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Rhyme 18

Lost in those fantasy eyes
That drip my dreams as they cry
Wipe them from your cheek, my dear
For I have something you must hear
That kiss I left will last forever
On your skin, it will grow better
For all distance and all of time
It will remain fondly as mine
Whether together or apart
You are stained onto my heart
Never to be bleached away
For it has made me who I am today
And as we wander into who we are 
The cosmos wrote it in the stars
That we should cross paths in the sky
And I'd find my way inside your eyes

Rhyme 17

I hope you know
That just because
I couldn't show
You the right love
Does not mean
That all is lost
For I am keen
On minimal cost
I have a heart
I am not tin
Play the part
For us to win
One day we'll see
Just how to live
To be carefree
And I will give
The world to you
We can crack it
Find what is true
And know that that's it.

Rhyme 16

I always saw that I might fall
En route by the galactic butterfly
But knowledge knows I'm on my toes
To find the way at the end of the day
Brush the dirt from this tattered skirt
And walk on, until I have gone
Inch by inch to escape the pinch
On stepping stars that take me far
To where my mind may unwind
The grinding brain that drives me insane
To understand why I am man
Once I see what is within me
Is nothing more than the melodic score
That is in you, too, and that gets me through

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Rhyme 15

Bite my lip and scratch my back
I lose myself in your attack
Grasp my wrists and pin them down
I promise I won't make a sound
Lick my neck, whisper something sweet
There is no need to be discreet
I know just what you've come here for
Play by play, we won't keep score
Nibble there and choke me now
Oh, that's so good, don't stop, wow
Violently tangled in a swirling cyclone
Moments together or moments alone
I am always left, for I am never right
But there is unparalleled duality tonight
Strike me down and if I stand
Perhaps we'll walk away, hand in hand

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Rhyme 14

It hurts so much
I can't understand
The pain that I feel
When you touch my hand
My skin goes numb
I lose my mind
You are everything
I ever hoped to find
But I am not right
You cannot see
Any depth of love
Inside of me
You are my purpose
My reason in life
So I keep on going
In this amorous strife

Title 10

I only wanted to make you feel loved, that was my truest desire, down to the marrow of my bones. I wanted to lie in the simplest embrace and watch our souls transcend our bodies through our irises so that we could be together in the purest form. I wanted to protect you from all the evil in the world and experience with you all the joy and ecstasy. I wanted to fight for you with all of the passionate desire that burns inside of me and I wanted you to love me for it. But instead, I push the pedal to the metal and run, run, run away. I speed through the night, catching only minor glimpses of the desolate landscape around me. I race until the paved road ends and then I'm jostling across the terrain with no end in sight. Dirt and dust spin clouds around the car and I lose all visibility. I fly blindly across the land, like a torpedo shooting toward its target. Except that I have no target, no destination. I glance down at the fireflies capped in the jar now bouncing violently in the passenger's seat. I grab the jar and pull it to my face, admiring the beautiful glow reflected a thousand times in the glass container. The car shudders and slowly begins to lose speed. I toss the jar and watch it shatter in the rearview, specks of brilliant light darting from the wreckage. Several dozen yards later, the car rolls to a halt. I climb out of the car and observe the desert basin surrounding me. It is vast and empty, lit only by the twinkling stars above. In the distance I spy a raised plateau in the midst of a bundle of low foothills, several thousand meters across the basin. I begin to wander toward the plateau, gazing up at the stars and humming to myself. I feel alone in the world, but the world is as it should be. The urge to run overwhelms me and I take off across the dirt. I have to run from the car. I have to run from it all. I become winded quickly and slow to a walk again. I peer out at the world that I am pursuing. I drink in the beauty of the untouched, soaking up the features of the land. In the hills I see the soft curve of your hip. I trace the voluptuous shape with my finger. I follow the silhouetted skyline and run my hand across your hard, flat, plateaued stomach. I quiver with overbearing desire and lurch into a run again. I have to escape this feeling, the entrapment of it. I know that if my heart is trapped, my mind cannot be free. I was once told that there are three kinds of people in the world -- those who lead with their head, those who lead with their heart, and those who lead with their gonads. Head down, I run through the desert basin, yet again trying to outrun what isn’t there. I run until my chest burns and my lungs feel raw. I run until my arms cease pumping and my knees go weak. I run until I collapse on the desert floor. I roll onto my back and try to slow my hacking breaths. Sand cakes my skin, sticking to the sheath of sweat that covers my body. Utterly exhausted, my breathing slowly begins to even. What could be minutes or hours later, I open my eyes. The plateau rises like a monstrosity above me and I am cast in a deep shadow.  I crawl to my feet and walk to the base of the tremendous structure. I begin to scramble up the loose pile of rock and dirt. Every step produces a small avalanche of debris and I can hardly gain ground on the steep slope. I slip and clamber my way uphill until I come face to face with a sheer cliff. I search the cliff face for a way forward. Several hundred yards to the left the gradient lessens and a short distance upward a small shelf is carved into the plateau. I traverse my way cautiously toward the uphill. Fifty feet from the slope my left foot slips from its foothold and I flail, balanced precariously, inches from tumbling backward down the sharp grade. I throw my torso forward, slamming my head into the cliff face, but regaining my equilibrium. I stand completely still for a moment to find my composure. I gently take another step toward my destination. Several minutes later, I reach the slope. Again I slip and struggle my way upward on the infirm ground. I reach the shelf and place my hands on the flat to hoist myself up. I roll onto the dirt and look about myself. I have climbed nearly two thousand meters up and the view is astounding. Far below, the desert sand glimmers like crystals in the starlight. The effect is such that the darkened basin reflects the midnight sky; there is no horizon, only a black void sprinkled with shimmering lights. I fall into the void, lost in serenity. My body embraces the dirt and the earth caresses my body. It is as warm and soft as your skin ever was. A warm breeze tickles my ear, just like your sweet whisper. I inhale deeply, searching for your saccharine scent. Instead I catch the only musky smell of dust. A powerful melancholy sets in at this disillusionment. The overbearing feeling brings about a whirlwind of emotion. I am instantly enraged at my lack of self-control, at my inability to keep my mind from going there. Then the sorrow sets in. I am saddened by my anger, by the rash helplessness of it. The dejection stings, but I know that it is equally as useless. I struggle to fight my way out of this dark void, but am suddenly overcome by the depth of my loss. I am lost in the midnight abyss of the desert. I am lost in the murky cavity of my mind. I search for the light, I search for your face, I search for anything to hold on to. The loneliness permeates me and a numb, tingling sensation creeps through my body. As the sense trounces me, my eyes begin to leak a thick stream of tears. I cry and cry until a puddle of bitter tears begins to soak my clothing. I cry until the puddle begins to waterfall down the plateau from my shelf. I cry until the basin fills with a salty sea of my solitude. The sea sweeps me up and I float on my back in a state of absolute despondency. The waves send me crashing into the top of the plateau. I’m as helpless as a rag doll as I’m thrown headfirst into the mass of rock. In my last moment of consciousness, I inhale as much air as my lungs will hold. Seconds later, I come to. I jerk instinctively, trying to right myself underwater. I open my eyes and try to determine which direction is upward. In the darkness, it is completely impossible. I choose a direction and begin swimming frantically. My lungs need air. My muscles spasm and my body convulses, trying to force me to draw a breath. I swim hysterically through the water, willing the surface to appear. My body shudders harshly again and my vision begins to darken at the edges. I kick my feet and paddle my hands desperately. Suddenly, my hand strikes the basin floor. Panic stricken, I whirl around. Just behind me I spot a luminous fissure. I swim toward the glowing crevice, my vision tunneling more with every stroke. I dive into the light just as my body produces a mighty spasm and I take in a frenzied breath. Cold, crisp air infiltrates my lungs and I continue drawing deep, desperate breaths. As soon as I realize that I am alive, I open my eyes. I flail wildly, sending myself flipping uncontrollably through the open air. I tumble through the sky, weightless, hopeless. The minutes stretch by before my tumbling finally stabilizes, casting me vulnerably with my back toward the earth. My adrenaline loses intensity and my heartbeat slows. In free fall, I look into the horizon, the beautiful smear of colors that I am flying through. The sky directly above is a charcoal black, still indicating the deepest hours of night. The plain of black melts into a royal blue high up in the sky. The stars that twinkle on this blue backdrop shine with a dazzling radiance. The color fades to a pale blue and then there is a thin void of lavender tinged white. Delicate yellows break the void, radiating from a deeper source just below the skyline. The horizon glows a rich orange-yellow hue, just like the tip of a flame. At the boundary where the deep teal sea meets the burning sky, the tone of the water reflects in the gleaming light. Here the colors blur and the sky blazes the exact pigment of your iris, a perfect balance of greens, blues, and grays. My heartbeat picks up again, almost as if a second wave of adrenaline has hit. My free fall seems to slow as my entire body reverberates the rapid beating in my chest. I imagine falling through your pupil and swimming through your bloodstream to seek the innermost depths of your soul. I imagine living with the most real and vital part of you and that being my entire world. I imagine what it would be like to sustain you and to be enough for you. I imagine what it would be like to be everything to you. Wisps of cottony clouds begin creeping up all around me. Still falling backward, I get the overwhelming sensation that I truly am slowing down as the fluttering of my heart begins to calm. I hit a thick bank of gray clouds and jerk at the unexpected force. I sink into the misty fortress, severely hampering my rapid descent. Drifting through the gray haze, a startling shock zaps my lower back. I yelp and contort, trying to maneuver away from the source. As I squirm, another shock licks my shoulder. I gasp and recoil reflexively. I then notice the small electrical currents rippling to and fro within the heavy fog. The baby lighting bolts dance through the dense vapor like fireflies darting through the night sky. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, making myself as small as possible. Charges continue to zap my shell, leaving small, painful welts on my skin. Without warning, I am abruptly falling as swiftly as I was before. I splay my arms and legs out. The dim, copious clouds stretch above me. I have clearly fallen through the barricade. A strong wind hits me with incredible force and I shoot sideways amidst a whorl of icy flurries. I see a white wall of snow before me and moments later I hurtle forcefully into the powdery mountainside. I smash into the snow and tumble wildly down the summit of the mountain. I sail head over heels, whipping up a cloud of snow around me. At first I scramble for a hold, but there is nothing amidst the soft, fresh snow. I let my body go limp and it doesn’t even hurt as I roll down the powdery slope. The only real pain is that of the icy snow against my fresh welts. I gradually lose momentum and finally roll to a halt on my back. I lie completely still for a moment to catch my breath. As I lay, the snow begins melting through my insubstantial clothing. I quickly decide that it’s time to get up. I stand up and instantly sink into snow up to my thighs. I begin to trek my way down the mountainside, wading through the snow more than walking it. It is exhausting work and my legs are quickly soaked. I continue on, falling, crawling, and hacking my way forward. My lungs burn and the icy air makes every breath harsh. I am flushed and damp with sweat and the fresh falling flakes cling to my perspiration. I think that this is the most strenuous task that I have ever taken on. I think about how these are the kinds of things that you hypothetically say that you would do for the people that you love; the type of thing that I would have done for you. I think about how grateful I am that I am experiencing this miserable hike so that you don’t have to. I think about how I would walk through this snow until I die if I knew that you would be there when I fall. Completely winded, I shuffle onward. Breathing becomes more and more difficult. Each inhale is sharp and painful. My head begins to bob forward in fatigue, but my body marches on, robotic. On autopilot, I crusade for hours through the barren white wonderland. I hardly perceive the variation when the snow begins to thin and melt and then finally disappears altogether. I continue walking in a zombie-like trance into the unknown wilderness. I keep going and going, like the Energizer bunny, blank and lifeless. A peculiar, soft wave of energy ripples through me and with a sudden pep to my step, I walk briskly up a gigantic, naked redwood. I walk thirty or forty paces up the scorched trunk until I reach a thick branch. I crouch on the branch and then straddle it, resting my back against the charred trunk. A sudden feeling of vertigo hits me and I lean to my left to right my world. I become entirely disoriented and a moment later I am aware of the sensation of falling. I twitch, reaching for a branch to save myself and become conscious not of falling from a tree, but of falling to the ground in the cryptic forest. In a dreamlike state, I fantasized climbing the tree, only to pass out on the forest floor. Now wide-awake, I sit up and observe the gutted forest. Everything is burnt to a crisp, only the blackened skeletons of the flora remain. I stare into the negative space amidst the sea of charred branches and imagine it filled with leaves and greenery. I imagine the forest coming alive, transforming into a beautiful, whimsical land. I stand up and walk toward the redwood in front of me, the redwood that I dreamed about. I walk right up to it and open my arms wide, wrapping them as far as I can around the robust, toasted trunk. I close my eyes and rest my head on the wood, flooding my nostrils with the potent stench. I picture a beautiful new forest in my mind again. Hearty, thriving trees raise a canopy over colorful, exotic flowers and plant life. I dispel the ashy aroma from my nose. I picture a breathtaking clearing, bordered on one side by a small, rocky creek winding down from the mountain. There is vibrant green grass and thousands of flowers of every color blowing gently in the breeze. I inhale the sweet scent of new growth, of fresh life sprouting fourth. I open my eyes and the tree in my arms is no longer decaying, but a strong, tall, prosperous redwood towering above me. I look around, wide-eyed, and a brilliant smile lights my face. I wander through the mystical forest, enchanted by the kaleidoscopic quality of the light refracted through the renewed canopy. I know that I have transmitted all of my positive energy, my ju ju, my innermost beauty to the growth of this forest. I know that by giving it my wealth and prosperity, I have internalized the torched carnage that it was. That is the balance of the world. I chose to rot so that the forest could thrive. Because unlike you, I know that the forest will not use me up. I gave the forest life and the forest will protect my life with shelter, food, and beauty. I do not give to receive. I give generously and abundantly for the simple reward of spreading joy. That is my purpose and my downfall. I recall wanting to give you everything, the incessant yearning to dote on and please you. But it was never enough. You were never happy. Those acts could not make you love. You used and abused until I shriveled up, dry and empty. Then you left me alone. I would have done anything for you, if you had only ever asked nicely. If you had taken with just a glimmer of elegance and grace, a small smile perhaps. I stare at the divine appreciation that the forest shows for my gift. I return to the present, to the magical woodland that I have built, and it is easy to forget all about you. It is inconsequential, unreal, as much a dream as walking up the redwood. I frolic through the woodland, aimless, content to wander the gorgeous land. As I weave through a dense patch of shrubbery, I hear the faint sound of a creek in the distance. I hurry through the rest of the bushes, tangling my feet in the branches and leaving a scattering of cuts on my shins. I stumble out the other side and step through the tree line into the exquisite meadow that I had imagined. Long, luscious blades of grass bend in the soft breeze. Small flowers speckle the landscape, a rainbow of pigments peeking through the dancing grass. Across the field, the creek weaves in and out through the tree line. Clear, fresh water rumbles through the shallow, rocky creek bed. I walk to the center of the clearing and flop onto my back. I gape at the clear blue sky, watching the fluff of pristine clouds slowly creep from east to west for hours, transfixed. When I finally sit up, the sun is just beginning its descent toward the horizon. The moon has already taken its place at the opposite end of the sky, washed out by the unnaturally light backdrop. I look toward the creek, contemplating how the brisk, snowy water would taste. I scramble to my feet and race to the creek’s edge like a playful child. I fall to my knees and cup my hands, dipping them into the cool, clear water. I bring my dripping hands to my mouth and slurp up the most refreshing drink I have ever consumed. I drink until my stomach budges out and my insides slosh with the liquid. When I look up from the water’s edge, I am surprised to see a small rowboat caught in some brush not ten feet downstream. I am both confused and intrigued at how the boat drifted past me entirely undetected. I search around the meadow, wondering if someone else is sharing this extraordinary haven with me. I see no one, nor any other sign of humanity besides the boat and myself. Curious, I walk to the boat and easily detangle it from its trap. Inside of it lies a single, heavy, wooden oar. Feeling compelled, I step into the boat. It teeters beneath me and I gently sit cross-legged in the center. I pick up the bulky oar and push off of the creek bed, propelling the boat into the rushing waters midstream. The craft bobs turbulently down the winding creek, curving to and fro beneath the canopy into the open air and the vivid sunset. Finally, the boat is spit out into a vast sea. Dozens of small rivers and creeks line the coast of the calm, homogenous body like capillaries feeding the vein. The ride instantly becomes smooth and serene, a vast contradiction to the tumultuous trip to this point. I stretch out on my back on the floor of the boat and observe the final moments of the sunset. I think of what I would give to share this moment with you. To sway you into ecstasy through a sweet embrace, the way the boat tenderly rocks me now. Here, we could transcend time and space, because none of it matters, because there is no one here to tell us that we can’t. There is nothing to come between us because nothing exists except what the two of us agree is real. This is our world, our creation. My heart sinks to the bottom of the sea as I realize that none of this is true, it is only my fantasy, an ideal. I open my tear stricken eyes to a blurry twilight melding into an amalgamous orgasm of blues and magentas. Starlight shimmers like pixie dust, reflecting brilliantly off of the tears pooled in my eyes. Fireflies race alongside the boat, casting an exceptional glow on the glassy sea. The effect is such that smooth surface reflects the twilight; there is no horizon, only an explosive void dancing with dazzling lights. I fall into the void. 

Friday, March 11, 2011

Title 9

Your whisper in my ear is nothing more than a light breeze, dispelled long before it reaches my eardrum. I drift deeper into unconsciousness with a strong sense of conviction. The continuum stretches all around me, light and color swirling, stretching, contorting infinitely in every direction. I can feel the contraction and release of the space around me resonating in my body, though I'm not quite sure that my body is my own. I feel internally, but I have no physical feeling whatsoever. A spectrum of blues and indigos shoots across space to my right and in unity with the movement, I feel a spreading sensation in my right arm and rib cage. I experience this melting sensation continuously all over my body as the lights stretch and span the universe. Unexpectedly, my right shoulder seems to come to a halt, while the rest of my body continues to be overwhelmed by the sensational waves. With a flick of my eyes, I see a shadowy figure clinging to my shoulder. I am in a state of utter confusion and absolute contentment as I come to realize that you somehow followed me down the rabbit hole. I can't comprehend how you followed me into nonordinary reality, but I am terribly pleased to have the companionship. As I shuffle through the thoughts in my mind, I become aware of an ominous darkness overtaking us. Panicked, I instantly stretch my form to cover yours, to protect you from the shadows. I melt to create a durable film over top of you. As I stretch to cover your entire being, I become horrified by the realization that I am not enough. I do not contain enough matter to cover you, to protect you, to save you. With every last ounce of my being, I reach to wrap you safely in my embrace. Darkness creeps toward your figure and I race to barricade it. Time slows as I watch the darkness reach out and touch you. In an instant, you are devoured from beneath me. Losing ground, I begin free fall through the shadows. Losing everything, I fall into the empty, black depths.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Rhyme 13

I am what I am
Nothing more, nothing less
Who can guess
Who I'll be in the morning
I am a shooting star
I fly far into the heavens
There was never
A time I wouldn't fly to you
I am a winter breeze
Across the seas and through the trees
Can't help but tease
Because my soul is made of ice
I am a candle's flame
Going insane with the heat
Watch me eat
Consume this god forsaken city
I am flesh and skin
Wearing thin, the barrier's breaking
As I'm waking
To the truth of reality
I am a little girl
Hair in curls and makeup on
Singing pop songs
In the backseat of my mama's car
I am piece of life
A simple slice of a larger pie
And when I die
I know the baker will be waiting

Rhyme 12

I will always miss
Stealing a kiss
The warmth of a hug
My vice and my drug
Will I ever be right?
It is not me tonight
Dreams did come true
But I lost them to you
Battled the rough
And I'm still not enough
Only a fraction or piece
So it must cease
Throw it into the void
Like I'm an old broken toy
While falling, I cry
It's all in your eyes
Because I'm still lost
In that iris that cost
My heart and my soul
For a love that's not whole
I wish I could see
When you were happy with me
But it couldn't last
And what's past is past
So in this dim light
I gaze at you tonight
And know that it's true
There's not a thing I can do

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Rhyme 11

I never knew just how to view
The world as it surrounds me
I cannot see for the life of me
How I can survive
I don't belong, I'm not that strong
So many could do better
There's nothing left, only regret
And no one there to spare me
From my fate as I reach the gate
The flames there will consume me
They will melt all that I've felt
And the whole world will be free
I can never go back once I extract
My being from existence
But I will flow wherever you go
In spirit and in soul
And in lights so bright, you may catch sight
Of an iridescent glow
This is me, now I am free
And the world makes sense at last

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Title 8

I scrape my nails belligerently against the murky slate walls. Every muscle from my fingertips to my forearms is flexed, in danger of snapping from the tension. I scream, raking blood crusted fingers through my hair and squeezing until it rips out in clumps. Soft white noise crackles out of the loudspeaker. Number one-twenty-four, this is your first and only warning. Please comply with Sanction six-sixty-two: absolutely NO unnecessary or excessive noise. I stare at the metal grating several feet up the wall. I stare at the box that has just scolded me. I stare at my master. I compress all of my tension into one solid fist. I take that fist and begin bashing it against every part of my body. I assault my other arm and my chest until I pound against my sternum, sharply banishing the breath from my lungs. I inhale too quickly and attack my legs, soaking up the sweet reverberating ache that accompanies every blow. I turn my fist to face me and send it flying into my eye socket, against my cheekbone, into my jaw. I strike my ear, sending my neck reeling. The resulting crack explodes my hearing into a resonant ringing. My mind quickly becomes infested with the incessant tone and a severe headache begins to settle. Silent tears of rage and anguish leak from my eyes. I lay completely still on the cool concrete floor, not daring to send a shock wave through my body to ripple the torment in my head. I murmur under my breath. Mommy, please help me. Make this pain go away, please. Mommy, it hurts so bad...Utter nonsense. I look wildly around the room, sweeping the minuscule space in one shake of the head. The movement sends a jolt of lightening through my brain. There is no one. There is only me and the pain. I put my head on the hard floor and close my eyes, acquiescing to the agony. I allow my mind to go blank with white light, accepting the torment as my reality. Waves of misery crash over me and lull me into a state of alternate being. I am not awake nor asleep, feeling but not conscious. I operate at the most primal level, absorbed in a world of excrutiating pain with no source or resolution. Number one-twenty-four, please confirm viability. I snap from my state to a groggy reality. Through the thick haze, the gray parameters of the room take a fuzzy focus. Number one-twenty-four...I raise my right hand toward the almighty voice. It cuts off mid-sentence and I am aware that I must have proven "viability." I become aware that my mind is clearer than before and I realize that I don't know whether I have been laying for moments or for hours. How many viability calls did I miss? I wonder what would happen had I not confirmed viability for my master. If I had remained unconscious through the call, would I not be considered viable? I stare at my master on the wall. Are YOU viable? I raise my voice. Are you viable? I stand up. Are you fucking viable? I continue staring, hands dropped limply at my sides. VIABLE? VIABLE? ARE YOU A-FUCKING-LIVE?!!! I compulsively break my small semblance of composure. Yes, I'm alive, I whisper. And then I scream.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rhyme 10

I'm a failure and a fraud
A rather sorry sod
It's grim and I gripe
At this horrifying sight
My spine bends 'til it snaps
From my incessant lapse
To understand and know
Just how my life would go
The moments when I'm free
I get lost inside of me
And the times that I am bound
No solace can be found
I will never understand
Just how to play my hand
When my heart is on my sleeve
Laid out for all to see
There is no bitter end
Just the sweet love of a friend
Too bad you taste so good
I always knew you would
But temptation will not strike
When there isn't much to like

Rhyme 9

Same shit, different day
No one cares, go away
Nothing left for me to say
Left alone to melt in gray
Icy heart made to shatter
You once made it pitter-patter
Fall from the fucking ladder
Whatever, it doesn't matter
No one cares and no one will
So just throw it on the grill
Sick to the stomach with your pill
Never even got my fill
But I already won the game
Lost my mind, went insane
Ate away all the pain
You are the fucking bane

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Rhyme 8

Fuck it
I never said I'd try
It's been raining outside
And I'm losing my mind
Sit here and type
Don't believe the hype
Wish I could wipe
This from my memory
Whether just you or me
Or together as we
Just a little shy
And the question why
But I just sigh
Fuck it
While rain falls like tears
Looking at this whole year
Looks just like a spear
Shooting straight for me
I jump up in glee
And take it painfully
Never understood where
I would lose all my hair
While you just stare
As it falls out in clumps
All because of this slump
Why can't you just hump
Fuck it
You don't want me
I see that obviously
You don't try to be
But it's all okay
As we sit here today
Because we'll both play
For the position we're in
This way we'll both win
Have hearts made of tin
Until the night ends
And then we'll be friends
The feelings I'll spend
Fuck it

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Title 7

I would have done anything in the world for her, if she had only ever asked nicely.  I sigh, expelling the feeling from my body. My heart thumps rhythmically against my chest, the only indication that I'm actually alive. I close my eyes and imagine shrinking to a size that reflects my value as a being. I shrink until I'm merely a single particle, floating through the air with a million other lost souls. I roam the earth via airwaves until they carry me into the troposphere. From this vantage point, a breathtaking view of the universe is lain out before me. I watch in awe as a comet cascades across the infinite black expanse, gleaming brilliantly and leaving every star to wane in its path. My heart skips a beat. In a universe where love does not exist, where beings do not attract to one another, this light is the closest thing to what she once was to me. I eject from the troposphere, leaving behind all of the other empty anima. I tumble and twirl through the atmosphere until at last I rise into the great dark depths. It is mesmerizing. In the place between worlds, nothing and everything exists. I find my bearings and shoot after the beautiful beam. I race through the galaxy until suddenly the comet blazes past, inches from me, illuminating me with an invigorating heat. My heart falters. The comet's tail catches me and I am flying through the universe in its wake. The ride is thrilling, albeit turbulent. We zip around the earth and she glows and glimmers as we catch the moonlight. Suddenly she changes coarse, heading directly toward a massive black hole. We break the ominous barrier and go roaring into its depths. As quickly as the comet snatched me up, I am expelled from her tail. I try to orient myself. Once I do, I come to see where she has dropped me. Dozens of of dazzling comets fill my vision. Some are small and swift, others spark and sizzle, and still others glow in a range of beautiful pigments. Gazing at the intricate light show before me, I come to an understanding. My heart pitter-pats against my chest, reminding me that understanding means nothing in a world of fantasy. I open my eyes to reality and take a steadfast step forward.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Rhyme 7

Your heartbeat,
so sweet,
burned me with
its scorching heat.
Your sultry flame
drives me insane,
constrict my veins,
just to make
it wane.
Nothing left.
Lose my breath
to ensuing death
by overdose
of you, my meth.
my lovely mate.
In life, was fate,
slowly begins
to dissipate.
I would sooner
be evicted,
but you hold me,
the explicit.
It's illicit
that we should
miss it.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Title 6

Where is my mind? Eyes closed, I tumble disoriented through the darkness. It is a darkness I don't know. I grasp for your hand beside me. Wake me. Bring me back to reality. My fingers struggle to find your arm, your torso, any part of you at all. An icy strap cinches around my lungs and I sharply exhale a delicate frost. The snowy particles of breath glow against the sheer blackness. They disperse to sprinkle the dark with minute stars. I stare in awe while thousands of the flakes gently float toward one distinct point in the darkness. They fall like bricks, one on top of the other until they have all compressed to form one solid block of ice. Suddenly, a brilliant white light illuminates the black world from within the icy mass. My vision is shocked as it remains suspended in the blinding light. As quickly as the light appeared, it is extinguished. My shell shocked eyes plummet back into the opaque and the block of ice is still glowing before me. I step toward the ice, noticing a curious shadow deep in the core of the block. Wandering cautiously forward, a figure begins to take shape. Ten strides out, my heart drops to the floor. I freeze- meaning that I both instantly cease all movement and a frigid draft raises every hair on my body. My heart catches and lurches forward, racing at fifty times its normal pace. From within the icy rock the most beautiful, mesmerizing eyes gaze at me. In that moment, I consciously decide to give it all up. I will not seek my way from the blackness. The allure and intrigue of the incapsulated is overpowering. I concentrate my thoughts entirely on the block of ice, willing it to melt away. I strain every last neuron before I notice a small puddle forming at the base of the block. Instant ecstasy shoots through my body and the rush of adrenaline evokes an arctic surge as the block is immediately liquified. The glacial wave crashes over me, but the incandescent fire that illuminates my soul renders me immune to it. I step toward the figure in front of me, drawn in by some unknown force. This is my destiny. I stop, toe to toe, and peer into those steely blue eyes. Locked in this eternal gaze, we gradually move together. The moment our flesh meets, my icy heart shatters into a million pieces. 

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Rhyme 6

In my wine, I find
Reflections of that
That is on my mind
Forever and for always
I want to be with you
For all of our days
Until our skin starts to melt
Into waves of wisdom
Like my heart felt
When it melted for you
On that very first morning
When your sweet morning breath
Without any warning
Swirled clouds around me
I was in Heaven
Such glee, such harmony
And the alluring itch
In your warm green eyes
To touch, to kiss
You will be my demise
In the years to come
When our hair starts to gray
We'll know that we have won
That crown of silver
So I will take your hand
And come down with a shiver
Because on our first date
When you held my hand
Fate met its mate
Now I breathe you in
You're all the air I need
And I transcend your skin
Into your bloodstream
Floating through blood as red as wine
I look up from my glass
Into your face, so fine
Consume my wine
The dream is before me
Consume my mind
And let the fantasy be

TheHolyBookOLies (part 1)

There is someone right in front of me
Full of such true beauty
Someone I hoped not to feel for
But it's too late to close that door
She fills me with such desire
She is the fuel to light my fire
She will never see me in this way
So please just let me say
That you are so beautiful
And maybe this love could be whole.

You lied to me, I fell for you
You broke my heart; my love was true
I sit here now, in puddles of tears
Knowing you are all I have to fear
My heart wants you forever more
Please don't turn and walk out the door
Because if I ever meant anything to you
Then you know that this is true
Each step you take, I sit here crying
While inside I'm silently dying.

The feel of her embrace
A kiss that leaves a taste
Her smile and her eyes
You'd never make her cry
In this place where all your dreams come true
All you want is for her to love you

All her dearest are gone
Scared away by the blood
All the truths are left untold
Every lie will stay written on her face
Tears in her eyes, she wonders why
She walks to the door
Nothing to take, no one to tell
She doesn't look back
For the memories tear her apart
Her heart is torn
She stares at the scars on her flesh
She is broken
Not physically
But deep within the soul
The scars will always remind her
She pulls out her sole belonging
A blade
As the skin breaks, she sees blood
The same blood that left her alone
Tears stream down her cheeks
She puts the metal to her neck
She feels no pain as she falls to the ground
Tears in her bloodshot, brown eyes
Only moments later, she walks by
She sees the unknown body
And vomits in the gutter
Had she been seconds earlier
Her life would be spared
For this was her savior
The friend she never had

Colors swirl all around
Then slowly fade away
The pain begins to cease
Yet the blood continues pouring
There's no one left who cares
As darkness takes her over
The blood is changed
It's darker now
And death is in the air
No one sees her tenebrous nature
She always seemed so happy
And as she exsanguinates
She is malevolent toward those people
The ones who pinned her as cheery
Yet the one who truly killed her
She only wishes well
For she loves this one more than her life
And that is why she's dying
She gave up her life for love
Sad, but true
And no one is crying
Now the colors fade away
As love and mortality fail her

Why am I such a troubled chiled
You should just take a file
And file my face away
Erase me from today
Erase me from tomorrow
There will be no sorrow
Once I've disappeared
No longer one to fear
Love, lust
No one to trust
Messed up once
And now I'm done
Gone, goodbye
Because I wondered why
I'm such a troubled child
I've been here all the while
These feelings never fade
I just take it day by day
Maybe I should run away
Because this love is here to stay
I finally do something to be proud of
Yet I still stand here, misunderstood
I'll hide in my hood
Run away from my feelings
At least those that aren't healing
But the question lingers on my mind
I'm such a troubled child, why?
The times you deceive me the most
Are the times that I need you the most
I'm such a troubled child
And you are why I am so beguiled

The beauty that surrounds me is wonderful
The look in your eyes is beautiful
My heart has never felt this way before
I'm ready to spread my wings and soar
How can I show you
How can I tell you
How I'm feeling inside
You don't even know me
I'm invisible, but please see
In you I want to confide
The sweetest love of my life
I stare at you from from away
Try to think of what to say
You're all that I want to see
You're everything beautiful to me

With every word I say
I wish I could fade away
Take back what I said
I would rather be dead
I want to break down and cry
But can only manage a sigh
Why do I make it so tough
Always traveling through the rough
So beautiful that it's tragic
Now surrounded by this static
Seeing your flaws and falls
Makes me feel better, that's all
Everyone has a problem
Faces some kind of goblin
So bring me down
Bring me crashing to the ground
My wings refuse to open
In the turbulence, they were broken
Fly me up into the sky
Fly me up so high
They try to ground me so I'll fall
But then I hear the stars call
Whispering "the sky's the limit"
To unleash my sins, I'll admit it
But the sky is only the beginning
To my world free of sinning
My lies are truths, my truths are lies
I'm all wrong in their eyes
Just for someone to be proud of me
Love and support I so desperately need