Thursday, January 13, 2011
Something is coming. A gentle vibration rumbles against the pads of my feet. I dart my head out of the eighth story window and scan the street below. The cable car is slowing to a stop at the end of the block. The miniature earthquake ceases as it pulls to a halt. I notice a faint twinkle of vibrant red light on the rear rail of the trolley. A car reluctantly closes the gap behind the trolley, slowly rolling to a stop. As the car inches forward the headlights cascade over the specific rail, cultivating the intensity of the light. It suddenly sparks orange before gradually glowing yellow. As the car scoots still closer the pinprick of light smolders through lime green to the color of pine needles to a deep shade of indigo. The car crawls ever closer and the color grows deeper, into midnight shades of blue and violet that are almost lost against the late night sky. As the violet evolves to a near blackened tone and I find the twinkle lost to my eyes, the car finally comes to a rest. I spot the cable car driver preparing to pull through the stop and continue on his way. I glance back to where I had seen my dancing rainbow flicker and just as the trolley lurches forward, a pale lavender beam shoots, reflecting off of the rail directly onto my sternum. The trolly rumbles forward and the trail of light continues to grow, unbending, from me to the train. I stare perplexed at the beam of pastel light and begin to notice it breaking its form beginning at the trolley's end. Now halfway up the next block, the light begins to ebb and writhe through the air, twisting and twirling like smoke, lingering its way closer and closer to me. As the translucent worm wiggles up to my chest I unconsciously draw my breath in anticipation. The sharp inhalation sucks the tail of the worm into my mouth and for a moment a string of glowing light attaches like a tube from my chest into my mouth. The beam continues to curl and contort and with a sudden sharp shock, the light instantly dissipates into the cold night air. I jump at the unexpected pain and then immediately look down to the part of my chest where the light had attached as it burns with the pain of a searing sunburn. Three small black dots appear to be burned into a triangle on my skin, the flesh is welted and pink with irritation. I reach up to gently touch the markings with my finger. The moment I touch the patch of skin, however, my hand fumbles and redirects. I draw in a perplexed breath and a scorching pain illuminates my lungs. I imagine a triangular burn similar to that on my chest, engraved by the tail of the beam on my organs. I breathe an even breath and notice the comfort in the texture of the air. In fact, the air is my only source of comfort at the moment. I close my eyes and drink in its scent, engrossed in the feeling of it against my skin. The pulsating wind taps at me, trying to draw me out. A sensation of overbearing desire overwhelms me. Desperate to float through the endless night sky, I grasp through my window at an incoming gust. Inertia jerks me from the three points on my chest and I lurch forward, out the window. I fall noiselessly through the air and with a supreme exhale, my entire being begins to unravel. I open my eyes to see that lavender light winding and swirling its way out of my mouth. With each moment I can feel my body unstitching itself more and more. I feel the fabric of my body stretching into a looser and looser weave. As the stitches progressively unravel the intensity of my light begins to grow and I disperse my energy to dance through the air. I create infinite shapes, twirling and looping through the sky under no restraints. It is the first dance of freedom. My dance comes to an end and I realize that I have left my entire human being behind. I experience a debilitating panic as I realize what has happened, as I take in the impossibility of it all. I violently flare about to wake myself from what must be an intricate dream. But my efforts are for null, in my hysteria I do nothing more than convince myself of the reality of the situation as I zip and shoot through the night sky in a frenzied ball of burning light. Despair weighs heavily on top of my panic as the faces of my loved ones trickle through my thoughts. I close my eyes and allow the anguish to engulf me. Every particle of my being radiates with dejection. I bask in absolute melancholy for hours, not once opening my eyes to look at my non-being.